


Pain before happiness

by sweetkisses



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: (hence the title), Angst, BUT HAPPY ENDING I PROMISE, Death, Hospitals, M/M, Pain, Sadness, non smut
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-03-08
Updated: 2014-03-08
Packaged: 2018-01-14 23:58:10
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,617
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1283578
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sweetkisses/pseuds/sweetkisses
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Life's hard, but Louis needs to push through it if he wants to find a happy ending.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Pain before happiness

**Author's Note:**

> This took me longer than I thought lol, okay so read it and just enjoy it for me because it didnt turn out as i hope but none of my fics do. I tried my best with this one and i hope you all enjoy it. I need to sleep now because i have my SATs tomorrow :(((
> 
> Enjoy :)

Louis smirks across the table as he flicks the sugar packet back over at the younger boy who’s crying with laughter. The packet flies and hits Harry in the nose bouncing off and falling into his empty cup of tea making the two boys burst out in uncontrollable laughter.  
  
"Would you like some more tea?" The waitress walks over and asks the two boys who are struggling to breathe through their laughs. Harry just nods his head as Louis waves his hand encouragingly letting the girl know that yes they want some more tea.  
  
Louis remembers when they first went here; it was after a show one of their first shows of their tour. It was 11:30 at night and Harry asked Louis to go on a walk with him. It had started raining and the boys laughed as Harry lead them into the one place that still had their lights on. _Sweet Love_ is what's it called and it's very ironic because that's all the two boys have but they can't even show it the world.  
  
"I still don't understand why you don't like sugar in your tea." Harry says after their laughter dies down and the waitress brings over their new tea. Harry has already ripped opened in poured three packets of sugar in his.  
  
"I like the bitter taste." Louis shrugs circling his tiny hands around the mug soaking in the warmth unlike the cold February air that's waiting outside. "Also you never saw the old kings and queens drinking tea with sugar. Non-sugar tea is a royal’s drink." Louis smirks.  
  
"That's bullshit and you know it." Harry says as he shakes in the fourth packet of sugar into his tea.  
  
"At least I'll live longer because I don't drink my tea with a whole sugar factory." Louis fires back and Harry just responses by sticking his tongue out and stirring his tea, only after he adds the fifth packet of sugar.  
  
"So, the tour starts soon." Harry says changing the subject and Louis a tiny upset because he has so many good comebacks about Harry’s sugar ft. tea. "You excited?"  
  
"Of course." Louis takes a sip of his tea and looks around the empty shop wishing that the two didn't have to wake up at the crack of dawn to come here when it's not busy and no one’s out. Management would throw a fit if pictures of them together alone started circling. "Just not really ready for the Eleanor shit." He admits sadly.  
  
"Yeah but it's our year remember? They said we might be able to come out." Harry smiles and Louis can't help but smile back at his loving boyfriend of three years. Louis wishes they could have came out at the start, during the X Factor but the two boys don't want to risk Zayn, Liam and Niall's career. Sometimes Louis thinks they should wait until the band breaks up but he knows that him and Harry are struggling enough as is too keep silent.  
  
"Yeah. It's gonna be fucking great." Louis smiles brightly at Harry. He places his hand on the table; Harry does the same so their hands are just a couple inches apart. This is what they do, it’s like they're holding hands but they can't so right now so this is close enough. Soon though that close enough will be too far.  
  
"We should get a dog or a cat." Harry speaks up after minutes of them just staring deep into each other eyes. Louis giggles at Harry as he takes a sip of his bitter tea.  
  
"How about a bunny?" Louis asks quietly and Harry nods at him.  
  
"What color?" He smiles.  
  
"Not white, those red eyes are creepy." Louis shakes his head laughing a little bit. Him and Harry have been not stop happy since the tour ended. They haven't left each other's sides, Harry goes to LA but the fans don't know that Louis is there with him, hiding and not being seen. Overall they are happy and _nothing_ can change their minds.  
  
"We should go." Harry says looking at the stores front window. Louis follows his gaze and sighs when he sees the sun brightly shining in the Thursday morning sky and the early birds walking quickly around, probably late for work. "Come on, love." Harry says and chuckles as his slip of.  
  
Louis stands up as Harry leaves the money for their tea. They walk out of the store and become just friends by keeping a carful distance like they've always been taught.  
  
"We should ask the boys to come over and have a movie night" Harry says when they get in the car.  
  
"Defiantly." Louis agrees and pulls out his phone texting the boys as Harry starts driving home.  
  
"Put your seatbelt on." Harry says looking over at Louis who just waves him off.  
  
"I love this song." Louis ignores Harry’s huff of annoyance and reaches over and turning up the volume. "Give me your, give me your, give me your attention, baby." Louis sings along with a smile. "I gotta tell you a little something about yourself." He belts out. "Come on join in Harry!" He shouts over the radio and looks over at his chuckling boyfriend who just shakes his head. "You're wonderful, flawless, ooh, you're a sexy man." Louis sings winking at Harry who's trying not to give in, he's going too and both him and Louis know it. "Harry sing goddammit!" Louis laughs.  
  
"But you walk around here like you wanna be someone else." Harry sings finally joining in Louis' fun.  
  
"Oh whoa-oh-oh. I know that you don't know it, but you're fine, fine, so fine." They sing together, basically shouting over the radio. "Oh wh-."  
  
They're singing is cut off as a black SUV slips on the icy road and swerves into their lane and hits them dead on.  
  
The last thing Louis remembers is watching the steering wheel break off and fly at Harry as his own body flew through the front windshield.  
  
*  
  
"Harry stop stealing the blankets." Louis mumbles into his pillow and reaches out to the right side of bed to take back the blankets. But all he finds is air, no Harry, no blankets. This isn't his bed. The small boy files straight up into a sitting position as he wakes up. He looks around to see that he's not in bed with Harry no he's in a hospital room.  
  
There's nothing else in the room but him, the bed, two chairs and the machines sitting next to him and they really need to stop beeping. His head is pounding and when he reaches up to it he finds that his head his wrapped up. Sighing he lowers his right arm that's covered in little cuts and bruises. He wiggles his toes and bends his knees. Nothing else is wrong; he must have just hit his head on accident. Probably fell down the stairs like he always does when he runs away from Harry who's trying up tickle him, dammit Harry.  
  
Harry. Where is Harry? He should be here sitting in one of those two chairs next to him but he's not. Why not? Louis doesn't even have a second to think of where his green eyed boyfriend is because everything his rushing back to him. Singing, the SUV, the steering whe-.  
  
"Harry!" Louis screeches as he grabs the tubes sticking in him. "Harry!" He shouts again as he yanks the tubes out of his arm setting off the machine into some kind of extreme beeping. Louis ignores it as he shouts out Harry's name again and gets out of the bed only to fall flat on his face. "Harry!" Tears are now falling from his eyes as he stands up and scurries to the door but before he can put his hand on the handle to find Harry it's flying open and two people dressed in scrubs are grabbing him. "Harry!" He sobs out as they force him back into his bed. Their mouths are moving, no doubt saying something but Louis doesn't care he needs to make sure Harry is okay.  
  
He attempts to get up again but as soon as he places one foot on the cold floor there is a pinching pain in his arm. He freezes and turns his head to see that someone with brown hair that's pulled into a tight pony tail has stuck a needle into his arm.  
  
"Harr-." That's all he manages to get out as everything goes black.  
  
*

“Louis." Someone whispers in his ear. "Louis." They say again, louder this time. "Louis." He knows that voice it's-  
  
"Harry." Louis says as he sits straight up opening his eyes into the dark hospital room that he's still stuck in. He looks around to see that it's not Harry in his room not its Zayn who's looking at him with sad eyes from where he sits in one of the chairs next to Louis' bed. His hair is crazy, like he hasn't slept in days and maybe he hasn't if the bags under his eyes are anything to go by.  
  
"Lo-."  
  
"Where's Harry?" Louis cuts off, his voice scratchy and quiet.  
  
"Louis. Do you remember what happened?" Zayn asks his voice quiet and cautious as if he's stepping on egg shells.  
  
"What?" Louis says trying to focus on Zayn but the pain in his head is horrible.  
  
"You and Harry were in a car crash. You weren't wearing your seat belt and you flew through the windshield." He clears his throat and continues. "You were in a coma and I was, I was scared you weren't going to make it." He whispers the last part so quietly that Louis would have missed if he was breathing. They sit in silence for a few minutes, listening to the beeping of the machine or Louis heart. He isn't sure if that's what the beeping actually is.  
  
"What about Harry?" Louis whispers and hopes that everything is going to be okay. Zayn doesn't say anything but when Louis looks over to see that Zayn isn't looking at him he knows it's going to be bad news.  
  
"When you were hit." Zayn takes a deep breath. "The steering wheel broke off and-" Zayn cuts off but Louis nods his head waiting to hear it as the tears fill up in his eyes, "the doctors did everything they could but, well, it um,-"  
  
"Just say it." Louis snaps.  
  
"He's dead." Zayn whispers. Louis looks away nodding his head as he takes in the fact that Harry is dead. Harry Edward Styles. His boyfriend that he loved more than anything. The boy who saved him in the bathroom and made a famous band with. The man who struggled with him but managed to stay together through thick and thin because nothing could break them. His lover who he was supposed to marry and grow old with and watch their kids and grandkids grow up. The man who he was supposed to die with like Noah and Ali did in the notebook. His other half is gone, dead, forever and there is no way to ever get him back.  
  
Zayn places a gentle hand on Louis' back making the smaller boy lose it. Louis releases the waterfalls of tears that his body has somehow managed to create. He places his face in his hands hiding his face from Zayn, why? No one needs to see the pain that he's feeling, the horror that Louis can literally feel his head breaking into so many pieces that it would take the rest of his life to count them all. Maybe he will spend his life like that. Start by cutting open his chest and watching his heart fall out like beads from a broken necklace. Then he'd count each and every one of them as the years past, each piece representing something that could have happened if Harry was still alive.  
  
But it's not going to happen and it hurts, everything hurts.  
  
His legs and feet are numb as if he kept them in the cold water just a little too long. His chest feels like he already cut it opened and right now he wishes he did so he could bleed out and be with the only person who truly understands him.  
  
Death, that doesn't sound that bad right now. He flew out a window for god sake and he survived. How? How did he live while his love died? How-no why? Why him? Why did he live instead of Harry? His family, friends and oh god the fans are all going to be destroyed when they find out that Harry died and Louis lived.  
  
Doesn't matter though, because Louis is already dying. His heart is gone and it's only a matter of time until he’s gone too.  
  
"Louis." Zayn says, obviously trying to comfort him but Louis just shakes his head. He wants Zayn to leave but he doesn't want him too though. He needs company, someone to love him, someone to keep his mind off the fact that Harry is gone like a snowflake in the sun.  
  
Louis' body is shaking now as it tries to find a reason why it shouldn't just shut down and let Louis be with Harry. The small boy heaves out more sobs that are taking away his breath causing Louis to gasp for air. He likes it though, likes the pain that he gets from it. He deserves this pain and too suffer because he killed Harry.  
  
"I want-I want to see him." Louis cries out and more tears come.  
  
"Lou-." Zayn starts and Louis knows that voice and he knows he's going to give Louis so long speech ending with him telling Louis that he can't see him and right now Louis can't handle that.  
  
"Just leave." Louis says into his hands.  
  
"Wh-"  
  
"Didn't you hear me!" Louis moves his face away from his hands and shouts at Zayn. "Get out! Leave!" He flings his arms out and pushes Zayn away from him. "Now!" He yells as the tears still fall quickly down his face.  
  
"Louis, you aren't in the right state you-" Zayn is cut off by Louis' hand which flies out and slaps him across the face. Zayn clutches his check and takes a step back from Louis who is covered in tears and breathing heavy.  
  
"Leave." Louis growls at him. Zayn just shakes his head and sits back down in the chair next to Louis' bed. His cheek is red and his face is sad but not because he got slapped, sad because Louis falling apart in front of his eyes.  
  
"No." Zayn says crossing his arms and giving Louis a look. Louis wants to talk back, wants to yell and hit him, hurt Zayn but he can't because it's not his fault. It's Louis' fault that Harry's dead.  
  
"He's-." That's all Louis gets to say before his body is heaving out more sobs. He falls onto his pillows this time and buries his face in them. He wishes they smelt like Harry but they don't, nothing in here does and that's just another remind that he's gone.  
  
His body creates more tears.  
  
Somewhere through the first hour of tears Zayn has scooted closer to Louis and started rubbing his back gently. Louis knows it's supposed to be comforting but it's not. Zayn's hands aren't Harry's, not big enough, not rough but still gentle and it hurts knowing that he'll never feel Harry's hands again.  
  
Louis doesn't know when he falls asleep but when he does he dreams about Harry’s voice.  
  
*  
  
When Louis wakes up he's alone and by moonlight outside he's guessing it's late and Zayn left to get some sleep. Louis scoots out of the bed and wonders to the bathroom. He doesn't bother turning the light on not wanting to see himself right now. After he relieves himself he turns to the mirror and moonlight is enough for him to see just how horrible he looks without Harry.  
  
His eyes are bloodshot not even blue anymore or maybe they are but Louis doesn't even care. His face is covered in dark tear stains and small tiny cuts. Most of them have healed as well as the ones on his arms but he doesn't feel any better.  
  
He won't ever feel better.  
  
His chin is covered in small scuff and he hates it. Hates it because it's uncomfortable but mostly because Harry isn't here to tease Louis about how he's dating a caveman until Louis shaves it. He should shave it, for Harry, but looking around there is no razor and it doesn't surprise Louis because he might have slit his throat with if it he found one.  
  
The bandage wrapped around Louis' head makes the tops of his hair stick up crazily. He doesn't even bother fixing it because Harry always liked when he it's messy. Whenever Louis spent more than half an hour on his hair Harry would messy it up say, "You're pretty no matter what you do with your hair." And Louis would blush and push Harry away lightly. But he always left it messy after that, didn't fix it until he felt ugly again.  
  
Right now he's ugly thought. With his messy face and hair in this horrible blue hospital gown without the back. Louis can almost hear Harry's voice saying how it makes easier access to Louis hole. Louis can't help but let his eyes light up at that joke, but as soon as they do they dim dark again because Harry won't ever be able to tell him that joke.  
  
Sighing Louis drags his numb body out of the bathroom. When he's about to get in his bed he decides against it, not wanting to sit and cry more. So instead he is going to find Harry. There is no other clothes than what he has on so he holds the back of the gown together with his left hand and leaves the room. It's quiet in the hallway, unlike Louis' head which is screaming Harry at him. He looks left and right to see that nobody is there but to his left is an elevator. Hurrying over to it he presses the button.  
  
"I'm coming Harry." He whispers as the doors open and he runs inside. He reads the buttons and presses the one that says morgue. Harry's not dead there, just visiting it. Louis swallows the lump in his throat as he watches the numbers get lower, that's when he realizes he didn't know what floor he was on or what room. He'll worry about that later because right now he needs to get Harry out of the morgue before they really think he's dead.  
  
The doors open and thankfully no one is there. He walks out slowly, his left hand still holding his gown together, and follows the deep hallway until he reaches a door that reads "Morgue." He gulps as he pushes it open and walks in. His feet are cold against the tile which obviously represents death. Cold like the dead. Cold like Harry.  
  
Louis shakes his head from his thoughts as he moves to the small steal wall that contains about twenty drawers. He skims over each name on the outside, sad that they must fell lost and lonely in that cold box; maybe they are waiting for their love one to come and save them. Like Harry whose name is on the outside of the fifth box Louis sees. "Harry Edward Styles," it reads.  
  
"I'm here Harry." Louis says and grabs the handle. He doesn't pull though; instead he stands there and takes in fully what he is doing. He's about to see Harry body. Harry's dead body because he's not alive anymore and he will never be alive again.  
  
Harry's dead.  
  
Louis closes his eyes as he lets go of the handle stumbling backwards until he runs into something metal. He turns around quickly to see the metal bed there, but right next to is it metal tray full of knifes and tools. They used those on Harry. They did that to his Harry! They killed him they killed him!  
  
Louis doesn't realize what is going on until he's standing in the elevator again. He's crying as he presses a random button hoping it's his floor. They killed his Harry. They cut him opened and stuck him in a medal box. They are murders, this hospital.  
  
The doors bing open and Louis is running to the first room he sees and somehow it's his. He collapses onto his bed and cries. Heavy tears fall from his body as he shakes his head. Harry's dead but the hospital didn't kill him no, Louis killed him.  
  
*  
  
The next time Louis wakes up he's not alone. Too many people are in here, Zayn, Liam, Niall, Gemma, Anne, Robin, and Jay. He wishes he could fall asleep and never wake up again for two reasons, to see Harry and to get away from all these people. Louis doesn't want his own company what makes you think he wants theirs.  
  
"Hi, boo." Jay says from where she is sitting in one of the two plastic chairs. Boo, Harry called him boo. But he won't be able to call him that anymore. It takes everything for Louis to swallow his tears back. "How are you?"  
  
Louis doesn't respond instead he looks away to everyone else in the room who is staring at him with worried looks. They are all waiting for him to say something but the silence in the room and their sad looks are killing him. But then again he wants to be killed. But right now he can't take those stares.  
  
"Stop!" He shouts and sits straight up. "Stopping looking at me like that! With your fucking sad eyes. You lost him too so why are you here sad for me when you should be for yourselves because he loved you all and now he's gone and can't love you again and it's all my fault! My entire fault! I fucking killed him!" Louis' voice cracks on the last sentence as the tears fill up his eyes. He blinks them away too see that they are all still there and staring at him with those fucking eyes. "Get out." He says and looks down at his hands.  
  
"Louis-" He doesn't even care who said his name because he doesn't want to hear it. He only wants to hear Harry.  
  
"Get out and don't ever come back." He screams to the room and its silent, the only thing to be heard is everyone shuffling out of the room. He's not even angry at himself no he's angry at Harry for leaving here alone on this god forsaken planet. Now Louis is going to have to look at everyone's look of sympathy while Harry watches from a place way too high for Louis to reach.  
  
*  
  
Louis is released from the hospital the next day. He is lead out of the building by some of his bodyguards that blocks him from the paps but just because they can't see him doesn't mean he can't hear them. The normal yells "Louis! Look here!" and "You look fantastic Louis! Can I see you better?" He brushes those dumb comments off but the new ones, he just can't. "Where's Harry Louis?" and "How do you feel now that Harry's gone?" and "Is Harry's death your fault?!"  
  
Tears are blinding his visions but the bodyguards help him into the car and he doesn't even bother thanking them as the car starts driving away. A car. Why is he in another one of these death traps? Louis leans his head back and closes his eyes as he tries to think about something other than the fact that he's in a car again.  
  
His thoughts run to Harry and all there good times together. Then next he's thinking about the accident causing a couple tears to slip down his face. But then he thinks about the paps, all their comments.  
  
" _Where’s Harry Louis_?" Dead. Dead and gone from my life forever and I wish I went with him.  
  
" _How do you feel now that Harry is gone?”_ Numb. Numb almost all day every day. He misses their love, not that he could tell the paps that because Harry and Louis were just friends in their eyes.  
  
" _Is Harry’s death your fault_?" Yes.  
  
The driver pulls tells Louis that they are back at his flat. Louis doesn't thank him as he gets out of the car. He stands outside it, not taking a step closer, and just wonders what lies inside for him. Not Harry that's what's inside.  
  
Sighing the small boy drags his feet inside the building. Ignoring the doorman and the front desk he wonders to the elevator. Last time he was in one of these he almost saw Harry's death body. Louis closes his eyes and sees the metal drawer with his name on it, like a drawer for kids but theirs holds crayons instead of a dead body. More importantly Harry's death body.  
  
When Louis walks into his flat he doesn't cry like he thought he would. He takes off his shoes, placing them next to Harry's much bigger ugly boots. The tears start to fill up and Louis makes a decision right there to _never_ move those boots again, no matter how ugly he thinks they are. Harry loved those, maybe even more than he loved Louis and honestly it wouldn't surprise the boy if it's true.  
  
He wipes away the tears and starts walking further in the house the open living room which is lying on his right and the wide open kitchen on his left. He scans everything, starting with the tele that's too big for anyone. The blue rug that Harry begged him to buy because "it's the same color as your eyes, babe." So they bought it.  
  
Louis walks over and sits on the couch. This damn couch that has more memories than he can even count. The black leather with matching chairs placed on either side of the couch. Louis runs his hand over it, closing his eyes and taking in its old memories; some good, some bad, some hot, some sad and if he says anymore he'll become Dr. Seuss. Actually that wouldn't be so horrible because he's dead and if Louis was him then he'd be dead too.  
  
He stand up on his numb legs to see dishes after dishes stacked on the sink. Louis never does the dishes, Harry does, he always makes up excuses and leaves it too Harry. Walking over to it he looks down to see that he can't break his promise too Harry. He promised he would do them when they got home from the cafe. Unfortunately, Harry and him didn't come home but he won't break his promise to Harry.  
  
He starts cleaning the dishes slowly and carefully, trying to get off every speck just how Harry did even though Louis teased him for it. Louis shakes his head at his old actions. That old Louis obviously doesn't know how lucky he is to have Harry alive and with him.  
  
The tears start a nice flow down his face during the tenth bowl. The pain he's feeling is pushing through the numb materiel he's been wearing and before he realizes it Louis' hand is bleeding. It's numb too, doesn't hurt like it should, there's no pain. Louis looks down at whatever cut him and walks to the sink where he runs the water with his hand underneath it. The blood circles down the drain and Louis wonders is that what happened when you die. They just circle you away and leave an open cut in the world.  
  
After it's done bleeding he walks to the bathroom connected to their bedroom. He doesn't even look around to see the mess that he's made in the past; instead he just goes to the cupboard and grabs a bandage. Louis goes and sits on the bed, puts the bandage on. After he's done he looks up at the room. A few clothes are scattered on the floor, all Louis', the walk in closet is even worse with piles upon piles of clothes.  
  
Tears fill in Louis' eyes so he moves off the bed to the closet and starts to clean. He's never done this before, no this is Harry's job. He sits on the ground, Indian style, and starts sorting through the clothes. The first thing he picks up is a dark blue sweater, Harry's dark blue sweater. This is the one that he always wore until he gave it to Louis because it was too small. He grew up, Louis watched him grow up and then he watched him die.  
  
The water in his eyes is making everything blurry but he can still see the next item he picks up. It's Harry's old shirt that reads "hipster please". Louis remembers how he stole it from Harry and wore it himself, having to tie the back because of how long it was. The throws the shirt in Harry’s pile and sniffs, trying to hold his tears back.  
  
He continues to pick up clothes after clothes and each one has a new story with Harry to tell and each one causes another tear to slip out. He manages to find the end of one the piles but under it all is a simple small black velvet. Louis gulps and wipes away the stray tears and reaches a shaky arm to the box.  
  
It's light and small, smaller than his own tiny plan. Not thinking he opens the box and sees something that pushes him over the edge. The tears fall harder than before because he wants it oh he wants it so bad. Louis looks down at it again his eyes burry but the shiny silver ring with a _huge_ blue diamond (which matches his eyes perfectly and of course Harry would pick it out) is very, very visible. Louis can almost feel Harry's presents as he takes the ring with shaky hands and puts it on his ring finger. It's a perfect fit and why wouldn't it be. Harry always wants special things to be perfect, even if he's here or not.  
  
"Yes." He sobs out to no one. "Yes, I'll marry you." He says and holds his arm straight out and flexes his hand upward starting at the beautiful ring that's shinning in the light. "I love you." Louis sobs out again. His body crumbles after that and he falls into Harry's piles of clothes. "I love you so much." He sobs into Harry's clothes which smell just like him, musky and just _so_ Harry.  
  
Louis swears he heard Harry say,"I love you too." but he knows it's not real.  
  
*  
  
Later that day Louis gets a phone call.  
  
It rings from the bedroom but he doesn't move from the closet. It rings five more times before Louis heaves himself off the floor and drags himself over to it with tear stained cheeks, crazy hair, and a diamond ring. It rings for the sixth time and Louis sees that it's his mother and with a breath he answers it. He doesn't say anything instead be his places it by his ear and waits for her to talk.  
  
"Louis. I know you're there. Can you please just say something?" Her voice is stressed and honestly why should it be she didn't just lose the love of her life. Louis stays silent as his mother waits for an answer. "You're worrying me Lou, are you okay?"  
  
"Don't call me that." He says and his voice is deadly but also so uninterested.  
  
"Okay. I'm sorry, about everything." And she really seems like she's sorry but that’s not going to bring Harry back. "I called to let you know that Harry's funeral is tomorrow. I'll text you the details." She pauses and waits for Louis to say something but he doesn't. "I love you." She says and Louis knows the conversation is over so he hangs up not ever saying it back because the only person he loves right now is Harry. Harry who is going to be 6 feet under and 6 feet farther away from Louis.  
  
The small boy looks down at the ring and starts to fiddle with it, twisting it around and trying to get used to the heavy tight object connected to him. Louis can imagine the proposal, Harry taking him to some sappy restaurant as the boy is sappy to him and then giving a sappy speech that Louis will cry during then they will come home and have sappy sex. Louis would give everything for that to happen now.  
  
*  
  
Louis doesn't go to the funeral; in fact he's out of the house before the sun even comes up. He walks and soon finds himself at the _Sweet Love_ cafe. Louis walks in and towards Harry's and his table. Louis sits in his normal seat.  
  
"The usual?" The waitress asks and Louis nods his head thankful that he didn't has to talk because his voice would mostly likely crack and he'd break into tears. Louis stares out the stores from window and thinks about how the last time he was here Harry told him it was their year. That this year was when they were going to come out and be a free happy couple just like everyone else. Can't fucking do that now that Louis killed him.  
  
The waitress comes back and gives Louis his tea, he doesn't say thank you like he should instead he just nods his head. With numb hands Louis picks up his tea and sips it enjoying the taste. He looks down at the table and in the left corner Harry carved in a little "H" while Louis did a little "L" on his side. With shaky hands he reaches for the sugar packets and pours them in his tea, almost using the all.  
  
The hours past and it's noon. Louis pays and leaves letting his numb body take him wherever. Where he does end up is somewhere he doesn't want to be.  
  
"Hi." His voice cracks as he does a small wave. He breaths out creating air smoke as he contains his tears inside of him. "I fucking hate you." Louis says looking down at the gray headstone that reads,  
  
 _Harry Edward Styles  
Friend and son  
1993-2014_  
  
Stupid. Fucking stupid. Harry was a million more things than just a friend and a son. No, he was a hero and a comedian and idol and lover and the best damn thing that's ever happen to Louis until he fucking left him. Left him to move six feet beneath Louis’ feet in probably a way too fancy coffin that no one will see again.  
  
Louis throws himself go the ground as the tears fall down his face. He scoots to the headstone and snuggles against it, some tears slipping into it and creating streaks on the shiny surface.  
  
"How could you?" Louis nearly shouts. "I trusted you. I trusted you and you betrayed me." He sobs into the headstone. "You said we would grow old together, but now you're a twenty year old dead motherfucker that just knows how to fuck up my life." He's crazy right now, holding a cold headstone close as he sobs to no one just a damn piece of marble. How to people do this, come and talk to nothing, because Louis needs to learn.  
  
He yells at the stone some more just repeating how much he hates Harry right now. It's all mumbled and even Louis can't understand it anymore. Louis calms down after a while and let's his eyes wonder to the freshly planted grass under him.  
  
"I sorry I missed your funeral." He breaths out threw few falling tears. "But I couldn't stand the thought of being there and everyone asking me how I'm doing, I just can't." Louis says as he draws in his tears on the marble. "We are getting married now. I love the ring, matches my eyes just like how you like it." Louis nods as he shivers from the wind. "I wish you were here so you could keep me warm and cuddle me close." He takes a deep breath and closes his eyes before continuing. "I also wanted to say that I miss you but don't worry we'll be together soon." He stands up and wipes off his face and jeans. "I love you, you son of a bitch."  
  
And as Louis walks away he swears he hears Harry's voice talking back.  
  
*  
  
Louis gets home to a full house. Liam, Zayn and Niall are all sat upon his couch talking quietly to each other. Louis ignores them and walks to the kitchen getting a glass of water to sooth his fucked up voice which is so dry from all the tears.  
  
"Louis." Zayn says from being Louis who squeezes his eyes closed. "We need to talk to you." He's begs and it hurts because Louis wants to help him but he can't he can't talk to them. Louis opens his eyes and looks down at the water in his hands as he hears Liam and Niall shuffle into the kitchen.  
  
"Listen," Liam starts, "Louis no one has heard from you and we are worried about you." Louis snorts at that because they are only worried about him because he's a murder. "Please, just- just turn around." Liam is begging now, like Zayn and Louis hears them getting closer so slowly he turns himself around.  
  
The three other boys physically relax when he looks at then. They looking nothing like Louis whose skin is too pale, eyes bloodshot and swollen with black circles under them, his checks hollowed in just like how his stomach is. No, the boys are alive and full and better than ever. All their hair is done perfectly to the last strand, their eyes full of life and worry but overall they look fine perfectly fine, it's that just fantastic.  
  
"Lou-." Niall takes a step forward and Louis takes one back. He doesn't need their sympathy or pity he needs them to leave.  
  
"Can you please leave?" Louis asks looking down at the ring on his left hand.  
  
"Wha-where did you get that ring?" Niall's voice is high as he points at Louis' finger. "No-no, Harry was waiting to give that too you, but now-take it off, take it off now Louis."  
  
"Excuse me? You come in my house and now you're telling me what to do. Get the fuck out." Louis punctuates his last sentence as the anger rises in him.  
  
"Louis, Harry's gone and-." Zayn starts but is cut off by a glass of water flying at his head. He ducks down quickly as it shatters on the wall behind him. Louis breaths heavy as at his actions. He's terrified and angry and so fucking done with being sad.  
  
"Why didn't you come to Harry's funeral?" Liam asks ignoring the fact Louis is burning with anger and sadness. Louis just looks at him with dead eyes and doesn't answer.  
  
"Louis please, we-we're just worried about you." Niall says again his voice coated in concern.  
  
"Why?" Louis breaths out.  
  
"Because you haven't answered anyone's calls of texts, you didn't come to his funeral, and god Louis you look dead." Zayn says. _I am dead,_ is what Louis wants to say but he doesn't.  
  
"You shouldn't be worried about me. I'm fine." But he's not; no he's not fine at all in fact he's the complete opposite of fine.  
  
"You don't look fine." Zayn points out and Louis snaps at him.  
  
"I'm sorry that we all can't look fucking perfect like you after the love of our life dies!" He yells at him and then turns to the others where he continues to shout out his cracking voice. "Actually, none of you look remotely hurt about the fact that Harry is dead! Do you know what that means? It means he's gone forever and no one will see him again. Not you, not his family and especially not me!" Louis screams, his voice echoing throughout his very empty house. The boys stand there not moving but smiling staring at him with sad eyes. "Get out! Just get the fuck out!" He points to the door and sighs in relief as the boys start to move towards the front door.  
  
"If you need anything, just call." Zayn says the others nodding in agreement and Louis just turns his back towards them. He waits ten seconds after he hears the door close shut before he losses it. Louis screams at the top of his lungs until he's running out of air and choking on his own voice. His furious, but not at himself, no he's furious at Harry. How could he just leave him here on this damn planet and now Louis has to deal with everyone while Harry relaxes from his coffin.  
  
Louis growls and sweeps everything off the counter watching it all fall and shatter onto the ground. He opens the cabinets and rips out the glassware and throwing it at the walls, ground, ceiling, and into the living room. Every time something breaks he feels a little bit better. After he breaks the kitchen he runs around the walls of the living room, taking the picture frames and shattering them on the ground. He breaks about ten pictures until he stops.  
  
Louis holds the broken frame in his hands. His breath is heavy as he pulls the picture out from behind the broken glass. It's old but it's Louis' favorite picture. Harry is sitting on the couch and he has his hands wrapped around Louis' waist from where the later boy is sitting on his lap. Louis' hands are wrapped around Harry's neck, pulling them together. Their foreheads are pressed together as they look at each other both smiling from ear to ear, both happy and ready for their future.  
  
A drop of water falls onto the boys faces and Louis knows he's crying. He wipes is off the picture as more start to fall to it. Louis falls to his knees and hugs the picture tightly to his chest. He sobs, he sobs loud and hard as he rocks back and forth trying to get Harry out of the picture, trying to get to Harry. But he fails.  
  
*  
  
A week passes and everything in Louis' house is broken expect for the bedroom which is the only place Louis goes. Like right now, he's lying on Harry's side of the bed and breaths in Harry's scent. Suddenly his phone goes off and Louis looks to see that it's management. They haven't called him at all since Harry's death, obviously the only ones who understand Louis wants distance. He answers the call with a huff and waits for the squeaky voice to speak.  
  
"Louis. It's Mike. I know you don't want to do anything right now or see anyone but I need you to go to an interview." Louis sighs as Mike tells him the address. He doesn't want to go but he decides to anyways, just to give himself a reason to get of the place that holds more memories of Harry than possible. Louis showers and makes himself look remotely presentable before leaving.  
  
*  
  
The interview so far is horrible.  
  
Louis arrived with minutes to spare which Mike used up to explain to him how this is live and he needs to behave. Mike doesn't seem to notice the ring on Louis' finger as he grabs the boys hand and pulls him into the interview room where the boys are sitting. They smile at him but he just walks to his seat and they start that interview.  
  
That brings us back to now. Louis sits on the far left of the couch, beside Zayn, which is farthest from the door. He's annoyed and it's only been about five minutes in and this is supposed to last thirty minutes according the interviewer of the livestream. Thankfully though she hasn't asked about Harry but Louis knows its coming and suddenly he regrets even looking down at his phone earlier.  
  
"I would like to talk about Harry, if that's okay." She asks and all the boys but Louis nod their head.  
  
"So Louis," Louis knows it's coming, "you were in the car when the accident occurred correct?" She asks and Louis just nods at her not trusting his voice. She talks a little more to them and it's wrong. They are missing a big factor if their band and nothing feels right. She starts to go down the line and asks each boy how their dealing. "Louis, how are you doing without Harry?" Something inside Louis snaps when she says that.  
  
"I-I," Louis looks down at his ring as his bottom lip quivers. The other boys look at him with concern but only because they all answered fine and Louis can't get one damn word out. "I miss him." He says still looking down at him hands as the tears start to spill over.  
  
"That ring, was that Harry's?" She asks and she's so nice and Louis likes her because she wouldn't have hit on Harry, if he was here.  
  
"No." Louis shakes his head and he's not thinking as the next words leave his mouth. "It's mine, he was going to purpose to me but, he can't." Louis wipes away a couple of tears as the interviewer lets out a small gasp. Louis looks up and his eyes widen as he realizes what he said but when he looks at the boys who are wearing smiles.  
  
He might have fucked up but Harry was right this was their year.  
  
"Louis." Someone says and Louis looks around. "Louis!" It's louder his time but no one is saying anything in fact everyone looks frozen. "Louis!" Everything is getting black now and Louis eyes widen as he blinks and suddenly he's alone in a room full of nothing but black. "Louis! Please!" Harry, that's Harry's voice and oh Louis missed it. "Louis." Harry says again and Louis runs to the left where his voice his coming. "Louis!"  
  
"Harry!" He yells back a smile spreading across his face as he runs towards his voice.  
  
"Louis babe!"

"Harry!" He's getting closer he can feel Harry's presence. He feels him, feels the love.  
  
"Louis!" Louis can hear the smile in his voice and it makes Louis smile more.  
  
"Har-." Louis is cut off as he falls straight into a hole.  
  
He gasps loudly as sits straight up in the bed. Louis coughs hard and someone hands him a glass of water that he sips and somewhat smooths his _super_ dry throat. Then there is a hand softly petting his hair and Louis looks up.  
  
"Harry." Louis voice is quiet and stressed.  
  
"Hi, love." Harry deep voice vibrates through Louis bones.

"Am I dead?" Louis asks and Harry chuckles quietly and god had Louis missed that sound. And wait thus is Harry standing right in front of him. Harry simply shakes his head at Louis who throws himself from the hospital bed to the where Harry's standing next to it and tackles Harry to the ground.  
  
"Whoa babe." Harry chuckles as Louis kisses him. God those lips, his perfect lips Harry missed it so much. "Louis?" Harry's voice is filled with worries as Louis starts crying, no heavily sobbing, into his neck. "Babe, why are you crying?" Harry asks moving then up and onto the bed where Louis snuggles into his lap.  
  
"We got in a car accident-." Louis hiccups and Harry wipes away the tears. "And you got hit by the steering wheel and died and oh my god Harry you died." Louis sobs into Harry's chest and he shouldn't be because Harry's been dead for months.  
  
"We did get in the accident babe but I didn't die. I'm fine and I'm alive." Harry explains and Louis shakes his head because it seemed so real. "All I had was a couple starches on my face, while you've been in a coma for a month Lou." Louis sits up straight and looks down at Harry.  
  
"What?" Louis asks and Harry moves so he's sitting up too.  
  
"The accident, you flew through the window and god Louis I didn't know if you were going to make it but you did babe you for better and every day I came and called your name and today you called me back and then woke up." Harry says and takes Louis' left hand that the later boy notices doesn't have the perfect ring on it.  
  
"I was in a coma." Louis says and Harry nods his head. "You died in my coma, Harry you were dead and I had to-I had to live without to and it was horrible, Harry promise me promise me you'll never leave me." Louis sobs into Harry's chest and the taller boy pulls him closer.  
  
"I promise, love I promise." Harry whispers into his ear.  
  
*  
  
Life changes after that.  
  
Louis has nightmares after nightmares of a life without Harry. First they are brutal and Harry has to rock Louis for hours and remind him that everything is okay. Slowly after about two months Louis just wakes up from them and just snuggles deeper into Harry's chest because Louis knows that this is real life and those, those are Louis' worst nightmare.  
  
The fans are happy when they see Harry and Louis walking out of the hospital. All five boys go to interviews and its perfect, just like how it should be with all five boys, all happy. Sadly though, Harry and Louis haven't came out yet but Louis did break up with his "girlfriend" Eleanor and yeah Harry was right because this, this is their year.  
  
*  
  
Harry chuckles at Louis who opens all the sugar packets and pours them into Harry's tea from where they sit at their little table in _Sweet Love_.  
  
"Don't understand how you drink that." Louis says as he shakes the last thing of sugar into the tea, there is so much in there that the sugar is starting to overflow the tea.  
  
"Well that," Harry points down at the tea in front of him. "I don't drink because you funnies it with TOO much sugar."  
  
"Never knew there was too much sugar, Styles." Louis winks at him an suddenly Harry is getting out of his chair and onto his knee. Louis' eyes widen because he knows what's coming. Harry delivers a long speech that has Louis crying by just the first word. Then where Harry opens the box Louis looks down at the sliver ring with the blue diamond and Louis knows that's the one he saw in his coma.  
  
A week later and they come out to the world by simply walking outside hand in hand with Louis’ right shining in the sunlight. People love them, from old to young, but they still have some of those haters but the good comments overpowers the bad comments. Nothing ever truly hurts them because they have each other and _nothing_ can come between them.  
  
One night Harry and Louis lay in bed and Louis tells Harry the story of his coma, everything, every detail from start to finish. Louis cries in the middle of it when and Harry cries with him. They then promise again that they will never leave each other.  
  
And well, they never do.

**Author's Note:**

> Thoughts????


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